8th Feb 2021
Serendipity, Celestine Prophecy – had just been thinking of ‘Sophie’ minutes before, seems to be connected with the unexpected thoughts provoked by the research and reflections for my MA. This has become such a personal journey in ways I never could have imagined, just as the BA was. Had been considering perhaps contacting GP regarding tracing of her potential scan photo. I had given time to pinpoint key dates associated with her (approx. dates of conception, birth, death, removal from me, the association/significance of my son’s birthday/party, boy/girl fetuses’, handling of me in hospital.) This was the first time I had done this in depth thought. – I had cried, I miss her and the others every day, wonder what she would be like in particular. I always thought she was a girl….’Sophie”. She also represented all those I had lost male and female that I didn’t have such clear feelings of, 6 in total.
Play Radio 4 ‘Pieces’ By Sian Owen.
Poignant themes touched.
- Broken heart medically
- Emotive – heart is broken; heart broken
- Relationships – mother/daughter, sisters
Welsh connections – Play, Hiraeth
- Too busy
- Little Jessica
There has been so much grief in my life and yet so little actual expression of grief…..then there are those that by grieving nearly cost me my own life. Such mixed feeling, no tears or grief sitting with this today, just recognition that I have been busy being too busy to ask myself (apart from obvious feelings) how I feel. Just loss…. Such loss. How do I feel? How can I honour these feelings once I know what they are?
Wabi Sabi – The serendipity of this and particularly these happenings since becoming ill and starting my MA have not escaped me. This is already turning out to be a far more of a personal journey than I initially imagined. I don’t feel sad or down about the so powerful things its opening up but almost guided to heal , make sense, honour, cherish, create my own memories, interpretation, identity and acceptance. To allow the impermanence of these thoughts, translation and interpretation to happen and welcome, to achieve the healing and other things above I can do. To see the imperfectness of the situation to be now beautiful, to honour the beauty, the positive interpretation of a very painful experience.
The Celestine Prophecy – Nature, books, interactions, films, radio, so much stimulus seems to be taking me to places that, with the time to reflect, is opening up powerful directions creatively whilst providing opportunity to examine/? heal.