21 January 2021
The overwhelming feeling of insecurity, lack of confidence in your identity as an artist maker consumes me. Whilst innately, intuitively knowing ‘to make’ is breath and to breathe, the reality is hard to put into practice with financial stability and other commitments that make up who us as humans we have to be. The acceptance for me is the challenge, in this imperfect world that through inevitable curve balls, to hold dear that, that is essentially the ‘you’, your identity. Or a part of it, ‘The artistic/designer/craftsperson identity’. In my case to life self-sufficiently, sustainably and ultimately create or make is a huge part.
Whilst embracing the challenge, embarking on the next part of the journey to undertake the MA and being 110% committed. The floodgates open, no preparation can prepare you for the overwhelming influx of stimuli! Where to begin, the doubts of keeping pace…..extracting the opportunities full potential, that leaving no stone unturned is daunting, so exciting and ultimately exhausting at times before any concrete work can begin. The thoughts flood in and out and expand , the starting point comes within and out of reach, to do justice to the task.
Do I start from the past, the journey that brought me to this juncture? Or The future as I saw it before starting the course? Or Perhaps the ever changing goalposts that are coming day by day now as I engage, through zoom calls, interactions literature, life or thoughts and I welcome them, always knowing they will inevitability present themselves. The purpose of my journey.
Is the danger NOT to start, to start too soon, too late and miss the valuable essence of reflection, to go with what you know and miss the openness that reflection provides or get swallowed up with it. There is the point too that it cannot be forced, the task often happens when its ready, but that isn’t always to the deadlines set and causes anxiety.
Whilst the Covid presents its own challenges in this very bizarre year, with the early health issues clashing with the beginning of the course, the delivery of the course moving online has helped enormously in the anxiety. Hearing today fellow colleagues expressing and indeed being in a similar position with their insecurities, lack of concrete tasks achieved and not knowing just where to start… reassured.
I have begun this task at least.
Next steps/questions it poses….
Is it the whole or part of the image that excites or interests
Is it the pattern, texture or something else
It is as much about finding a method to work with as well. Creativity comes in many guises!